My “Why”

I’ve planned to write this post for some time now.  Life has kept me from it mostly, but I’ve also had a hard time putting my thoughts and feelings into words.  I sit down now to write with the earnest prayer that the Holy Spirit will form a coherent picture of my heart.

My “Why” started several years ago as I was attending my first or second Global Leadership Summit.  I remember toward the end of the second day, singing the Hillsong United song “Hosanna” as a deep and fervent prayer.  These words,

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

“Break my heart for what breaks Yours.”  I prayed that deeply, sincerely, and maybe even courageously as I look back now.  That was about seven years ago.  That prayer has never been lost.  I still pray it often.  I’ve also seen God slowly give me that desire.  He has stirred up feelings and called me to action in different arenas and in varying ways over the years.  Over the past 24 months, that prayer has caused me to be very uncomfortable taking exclusive care of me and mine.  The world is much bigger than my four walls.  Needs are much greater.  God has given me spiritual gifts to use for his glory and for his kingdom.  I will serve because I love God and love others.

So, my “why.”  Why am I going to Haiti this summer?  I am going to Haiti this summer to share love and hope with the people of Onaville.  All people need to know that God SEES them and LOVES them.  But how will they know?  What does it look like to show the vulnerable that God has not forgotten them?  Maybe it looks like building school benches and laying gravel and setting up tents for children to receive an education.  Maybe it looks like holding VBS; a tangible sharing of God’s love through teaching, praise, and worship.  Maybe it looks like casting a vision for a permanent school building and sponsorships for children to attend school and receive meals and medical care.  Maybe all of that can be worked through the hands of loving servants who say “yes” to living outside of their comfort zones for a week.  Maybe all bets are off when we work WITH God who can accomplish more than we can even ask or imagine.  I’m going to Haiti to experience, multiply, and share the matchless love of God.

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39 NKJV

A friend shared with me early this year that she prays each year for a word from the Lord.  A single word.  It could be any word.  But a personal word, given to you by God, that is a focal point for the year.  At first, I’ll confess, I thought it was kind of strange.  I mean, how will you be sure God gave you that word?  My next thought was, “I want a word!”  So I began praying for a word.  About a week later, I got it, first thing one morning.  My word: brave.  (I knew it was from God because “brave” is way outside my comfort zone!)  But I also felt immediately excited to be brave WITH God.  So as I prepare to leave for Haiti in a few weeks, my “why” and my “brave” have collided and brought forth another word, “Yes”.  Where you send me, I will go, Father.

I’m willing yet I’m so afraid
You give me strength, when I say

I wanna be your hands
I wanna be your feet
I’ll go where you send me
I’ll go where you send me

I’ll be your hands
I’ll be your feet
I’ll go where you send me
I’ll go where you send me

And I’ll try, yeah I’ll try
To touch the world
Like you touched my life
And I’ll find my way
To be your hands

Lyrics by Audio Adrenaline, “Hands and Feet”

Written by Carrie Hawkins, Co-Director, Social Media

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